Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Dona Nobis Pacem 2020

Here we are.

Still Upright.
Still fighting for Peace,
Still steadfast in out Faith,
Still Slogging away,
Still Praying,
Still Loving,
Still Involved.

Here we are.

Despite Covid 19,
Despite Global Warming,
Despite Political fanatics,
Despite Poverty,
Despite Loss,
Despite Adversity,
Despite Racism.

Here we are.

Keep Trying,
Keep Believing,
Keep Loving,
Keep Kindness,
Keep Positive,
Keep Blogging,
Keep Friendships.

Here we are, warts and all. Be kind.

Saturday, October 3, 2020

 Two years ago he was mocking a rape victim. Now he's in hospital with a left wing hoax illness. AKA the CHINA virus.

Just in time to deflect the tax thing, the debate thing, the 400million debt thing.
Don't get me wrong, I hope he recovers because he needs to be in jail for fraud, tax evasion, RAPE/ASSAUTx30. Just to name a few.
There's 209K dead and 7.36 Million cases of Covid -19 in America. Trump is still trying to take their medical coverage away.
These people don't get flown to a top notch hospital or have a team of doctors. They don't receive experimental treatment or first in queue.
In a fair world he'd get the same treatment as everyone else, and they'd get what he does.
Lucky he isn't treated based on his tax payments, he's get half a Tylenol.
People are hundreds of thousands in debt to pay for their Covid-19 treatment he gets it on the American dime.
All he had to do was wear a mask, but spent all the time in front of people mocking mask wearers.
He knew Hope Hicks was positive for Covid-19 on Wednesday night, and he still went to an indoor fundraiser, mask-less at one of his resorts on Thursday afternoon.
I find it hard to give a shit about him. I hate the way that makes me feel.
He also mocked Hillary Clinton for being sick during the 2016 Presidential race. Google it.
So get well, lose the election, go to jail. That's what I'll *pray* for.

Sunday, May 10, 2020

I'm so fucking tired.

My nephew John has died, not from Covid -19, from a car accident.
He was only 33.

I found out through a cousin, my brother didn't even have the barest hint of decency to tell his family.
I had to tell his twin,
his nephews,
his niece,
his brother's in law.

It took an hour and 4 people before I could get in touch with him.
He lives here.

He broke his family,
he broke our mother,
he broke our dad.
Now me.

I love you John, you and your sister were always a bright spot in my day.
I loved it when you came *for coffee*,
I loved it when you giggled,
I loved getting your school pictures.

I've missed you and now I'll never see you again.
It hurts.

 I hope you know I love you.

Sunday, March 29, 2020


My sister, my beautiful damaged sister is fighting for her life tonight.

She has COPD and had a poor prognosis to begin with, add a cold and she ended up in the hospital. She can't bring up any phlegm, they're testing her for Covid-19.

She always said she wanted to be the first in 3 generations to hit 60,she did that on February 29th. She's an alcoholic and still smokes. Can't walk across the room but still smokes. Alcoholism is an insidious disease, it's run rampant through my family, wrecked our lives.

She zigged and I zagged, I could have easily been her, she could have been me. Twisted fate and bent family shaped us. Molestation and rape, alcohol and drugs. Anger, so much anger.

Oh but I love her, she drives me crazy, I love her so much. She's all alone, they say she's comfortable. No family there, no one to hold her, no one to kiss her.

I'm all alone, Buzz is at work and I can't have anyone in. I'm quasi quarantined and have been in since the 15th. It's my birthday in a couple hours, 58. I wanted Lysol wipes for my birthday, now I just want my sister to pull a fast one and be OK. As OK as she can be. Not dying alone, but going home.

Update: Moved to a ward,still waiting for Covid results. They'll call us. So we wait.  

Update: She's eating and drinking. Still hard to breathe. No fever. Covid-19 test back tonight, if negative and she keeps improving may be home in a couple days. 

Update: No Covid-19!!! Yeehaw. Moved to another floor will need 4 or 5 more days to get her breathing better. Her husband is allowed to drop off anything she needs and they'll  try to get a phone to her today to call him. I wonder where an 80 lb woman gets the strength for this?

Sunday, March 22, 2020

Social Isolating and food.

It seems the longer I stay socially isolated the harder it is to leave the house. My hermit skills are absolutely top notch.

Buzz is my grocery guy, he goes every 3 days or so. Milk bread, coffee cream, fresh veg. I am pretty well stocked up, that's just a normal thing. One open, one in the pantry.

I've lived in some geographically (lets call them challenged) isolated areas, of the one road in and the one grocery store variety.

 I love to cook, I love to eat and I've never relied on a restaurant for meals. I don't even do the take out coffee thing. Who drinks hot beverages in a moving car? 

When the kids were young I'd make sure I had a roast, a turkey, a ham, a whole chicken and a lot of stewing beef and hamburger. I always have canned vegetables, soup and evaporated milk. 

People have kind of looked down their noses at me over the years, fresh or frozen is better of course, however when you live in a one road in place that's prone to power outages and road closures, that can of peas looks pretty darn good, and everyone knows that Yorkshire pudding is made with canned milk.

I used to buy the Easter candy as soon as it came out, if you waited until Thursday it was gone. No candy from the Bunny for the kids. The nuts and cranberry (canned) and the treats for Christmas, especially the Advent Calendars in November.

Just in case. It's same with home canning, if I miss a year I fret. No pickles! No jam!  Merde! I've always said if there's canned soup in the cupboard we'll be fine, just fine.

Well as a long time eater and cook with limited fresh and pantry supplies I can give you a few pointers.

Save your veg ends for soup stock, and make that now. Freeze it.

Do you have two hot dogs in the pack, one piece of sandwich meat? Don't waste it.

Freeze it. 

Couple crusts of bread left in the bag? It'll make great stuffing or bread for meat balls.

Freeze it.

Veggies going soft? Roast them, or blanch them.

Freeze it.

Milk about to expire?

Freeze it.

Spuds staring at you? De-eye them wash them, slice them thin and make scalloped potatoes. Use that about to be expired milk. (a note only bake 3/4 of the way will freeze better)

Freeze it.

Use up older stock in freezer, chicken, beef, veg.

Make Chili.
Make soups.
Make stocks.
Make gravies.
Make lasagna.
Make chow mien.
Make meat pies.
Freeze it!

Always use the left overs. You can put cheese on just about anything.

Also you can FREEZE cheese.

I always make sure the crackers, cereal, dry goods are in tupperware or clothes pinned tightly. 

Rotate your canned stuff so you don't become a hoarder or an eater of expired things, rotate your freezer stock and keep an extra box of freezer bags in the pantry.

I think that's it food wise, I hear you can freeze eggs too. I've never tried it, but Google it and see how.

I've been isolating since the 15th, still not too crazy. I did a knock and drop but came straight home. I've always done well on my own, and I do prefer home cooking and staying close to home.

 My health has been a concern for a lot of years. Chronic illness is an isolating business normally, so apart from the forays to the grocery store and the odd lunch or coffee with the girls I'm not missing anything. 

Stay home if you can, distance your physical self in public, wear the mask, (all the cool folk are doing it) wash your hands! Don't touch your face. Cover your mouth with your elbow when you sneeze/cough. Stay away from the old folks, drop and run supplies for them that you have wiped down with a lysol wipe. (cans handles packages) Don't have parties, keep your kids at home if you can. I know parents have to work. Be kind, be thoughtful, share.

Saturday, March 14, 2020


Today is our wedding anniversary, 39 years.
Don't ask Buzz how many that is in husband years, he doesn't have enough fingers and toes.

I always see these motivational speakers talking about how to be married, how to make it last.
The problem is most of these relationship gurus are single or divorced, not bashing divorced people, I'd never do that. Everyone has a story, and some very good reasons for divorce.

I guess I want to say that no two marriages are alike and no two people are alike, and there's no telling other people how to be married.

That being said, marriage is a long game, not for early quitters, and not for sissies. If it were easy, everyone would be married.It's hard and you don't always get a prize.You do get grey hair and laugh lines, a life long companion, but no medal.

I grew up in my marriage, we both did. We were 18 and 19 and a half. I worked at a gas station, Buzz was in the navy and we lived in a one bedroom fully furnished apartment in Esquimalt.

 It was hard we were so young and we had some good fights. I always suspect people who say they don't fight. Where's the passion? You need (to borrow from Seinfeld) an airing of the grievances. You will go to bed angry, you will wake up seething and you'll be tempted to throw in the towel.

A good marriage is a myth, a long marriage is never all good. There's hurt feelings, anger, grief, loss, joy, abundance, feast, and famine. It's every day it's every week, it's every month, and it's every year. It is a long grueling trek, some days there's a feather bed and a steak at the end of it, other days there's beans and the couch. 

You have to learn to let things go, that's it in a nutshell. Sure they bubble up every now and then, but it's fleeting and necessary. Let it float past.

Is it worth it? You bet, I could never imagine the last 40 years without Scott. He gave me our kids, he gave me himself, and a bunch of grey hair and a tooth grinding problem. The point is he stayed, I stayed, we are a unit. Sometimes a hurting unit, but the good outweighs the bad and the last few years apart from health issues there's really been a shortage of bad.

So thanks to my love bunny for going the distance, staying hydrated and wearing proper footwear. Sorry about the ashtray in 1980, you really didn't deserve that and thankfully I was too mad to throw straight.