Friday, October 15, 2010

It's really happened!

I have been hesitant to blog. The joy of writing, (akin to the joy of sex for me) (on a normal day) has left me. I don't find any comfort in it. I'm struggling to write this opening paragraph, I'm tired of being mis-read, misunderstood and vilified for having strong opinions. I feel pressure to write *funny*, not truth.

I've lost a couple of friends over this blog. (well I guess it's this blog, as I hadn't seen them in person or talked to them or e-mailed them, and quite frankly the *other* reason is beyond comprehension)(picture if you will, my being dumped due to a friends blog) I was unceremoniously dumped, tossed out on my ass as it were, with no explanation or cause as far as I can discern.

People have always encouraged me to write, I always had a story or an anecdote to jot down, I still do. My head is full, but my heart isn't in it anymore. I have family and friends who pursue their passions with gusto. Riding, golfing, reading, collecting, building. All admirable ways to spend their leisure time. They get encouragement and praise, (rightfully so), they're living a life full of passion and joy for their chosen *thing*.

From the very first time I picked up a pencil and wrote something, just for me, (a story about elves) I was hooked. (Like a closet full of shoes for Imelda Marcos) I was six. I had stumbled across something that was sheer ecstasy. I wondered why everyone wasn't writing this stuff down that they had in their heads.

I loved creative writing in school, it came so easily. It was a thoroughly enjoyable 55 minutes. I was writing for my family and friends, I also kept an unorganized journal that I jotted thoughts or ideas in for the great "Canadian Novel."

I know I can still write for myself, this blogging thing wasn't ever supposed to be the only writing I ever did. I just don't feel it any more. I don't have that rush when my thoughts careen and I'm writing so fast that there's no punctuation or capital letters or defined sentences. No starting awake at 3am (unless I have to pee), no staring off into space writing and rewriting a sentence in my head. It appears to be gone, or on sabbatical or down south, or something.

So to those two *friends* (well one *real* friend, one fair weather ) thanks for stepping on my dream, think about me when you're out living yours. Hopefully this is a minor hiccup and I'll get that feeling back, ( that passion you both enjoy) that we all crave.

When I get it back, I won't compromise for either one of you, I'll still have strong opinions, I'll still rant and rave and if you find it so offensive or bothersome, it's been said a thousand times....Don't come in here, don't read it, don't slag me about it. Mind your riding, I'll mind my writing. Live your dream.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Once again

I'm sickened by young people mis-using a valuable resource. We have an 18 year old gay man, having consensual sex, and his room mate films it and posts it on the Internet. What a sick piece of shit. Where are the boundaries? Why do certain people figure this is OK? When is it going to stop? Who's to blame?

Poor Tyler Clementi figured he had no recourse, but to jump off a bridge. He was victimized, violated on such a level it begs belief and the cops are *considering* charges. Hate crime charges. Big fucking deal, they should be locked up for years just for being insensitive little fucktards.

Dharun Ravi and Molly Wei you sicken me, you make me wonder about today's youth. Between you two and the bunch who watched and filmed a gang rape, I'm really gobsmacked.

What are you thinking when you post these sex crimes? Does it make you feel important? Does it make your sex life better? Are you just sad little boys who've never had a hope in Hell of getting a girl to sleep with you? Are you so homophobic that this kind of behaviour seems right?

Shame on you, doesn't seem enough. Shame on all of us for letting you become so desensitized that you would even come up with this crap in the first place. Put down the cell phones and the ipads and the laptops and have a face to face conversation with an actual real live person. It's how we did things in the *olden* days, believe me it works.

We seem as a society to be raising a bunch of sociopaths. Hunkered in their dark rooms eating junk and posting junk.

Profile of the Sociopath
This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

Glibness and Superficial Charm

Manipulative and Conning
They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.

Grandiose Sense of Self
Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."

Pathological Lying
Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.

Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

Shallow Emotions
When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

Incapacity for Love

Need for Stimulation
Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

Callousness/Lack of Empathy
Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.