Friday, October 15, 2010

It's really happened!

I have been hesitant to blog. The joy of writing, (akin to the joy of sex for me) (on a normal day) has left me. I don't find any comfort in it. I'm struggling to write this opening paragraph, I'm tired of being mis-read, misunderstood and vilified for having strong opinions. I feel pressure to write *funny*, not truth.

I've lost a couple of friends over this blog. (well I guess it's this blog, as I hadn't seen them in person or talked to them or e-mailed them, and quite frankly the *other* reason is beyond comprehension)(picture if you will, my being dumped due to a friends blog) I was unceremoniously dumped, tossed out on my ass as it were, with no explanation or cause as far as I can discern.

People have always encouraged me to write, I always had a story or an anecdote to jot down, I still do. My head is full, but my heart isn't in it anymore. I have family and friends who pursue their passions with gusto. Riding, golfing, reading, collecting, building. All admirable ways to spend their leisure time. They get encouragement and praise, (rightfully so), they're living a life full of passion and joy for their chosen *thing*.

From the very first time I picked up a pencil and wrote something, just for me, (a story about elves) I was hooked. (Like a closet full of shoes for Imelda Marcos) I was six. I had stumbled across something that was sheer ecstasy. I wondered why everyone wasn't writing this stuff down that they had in their heads.

I loved creative writing in school, it came so easily. It was a thoroughly enjoyable 55 minutes. I was writing for my family and friends, I also kept an unorganized journal that I jotted thoughts or ideas in for the great "Canadian Novel."

I know I can still write for myself, this blogging thing wasn't ever supposed to be the only writing I ever did. I just don't feel it any more. I don't have that rush when my thoughts careen and I'm writing so fast that there's no punctuation or capital letters or defined sentences. No starting awake at 3am (unless I have to pee), no staring off into space writing and rewriting a sentence in my head. It appears to be gone, or on sabbatical or down south, or something.

So to those two *friends* (well one *real* friend, one fair weather ) thanks for stepping on my dream, think about me when you're out living yours. Hopefully this is a minor hiccup and I'll get that feeling back, ( that passion you both enjoy) that we all crave.

When I get it back, I won't compromise for either one of you, I'll still have strong opinions, I'll still rant and rave and if you find it so offensive or bothersome, it's been said a thousand times....Don't come in here, don't read it, don't slag me about it. Mind your riding, I'll mind my writing. Live your dream.

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