Monday, December 20, 2010

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

That feeling

To me Christmas is about feelings. When I was a little girl it was excitement, anticipation and a little fear. Was I good enough? Would Santa forget our house? These are big questions when you're five years old. I loved going to grandpa's house on Christmas eve and seeing all the family.

When I was a teen it was (although I hate to admit it) about the presents. I was still trying to hold on to the wonder and the special *feeling* I had as a little kid but it was already starting to fade. I was happy to see family (as we had a pretty small one) and I liked the food and the Boxing Day visits, the break from school.

When Buzz and I were married and had the kids it was all about fear of failure and making their Christmas special. It was exhaustion and worry over money and hope that out traditions were going to be looked back on with fondness and a little longing.

I got the *feeling* back through the kids, leaving out cookies and milk (actually it was butter tarts/coconut balls and a rum and coke) Making reindeer tracks in the snow, stuffing the stockings and trying to get to bed at a reasonable hour so I could get up early and get the bird in the oven.

As the kids grew up and my family shrank even more I became a little bitter. Buzz worked a lot of Christmas day shifts and I felt overwhelmed and under appreciated.

All the baking and shopping and running around, all seemed senseless. I hadn't felt an inkling of the *feeling* for years and bemoaned the expense and work entailed to scarf down a meal in 10 minutes.

Now that the kids are grown and Stacy has moved, Buzz is working all through the holiday and it looks like it'll just be Tory and I for supper. Oddly enough I feel a little flutter of the *feeling*; I can't explain it. You'd think I'd be all weepy and whiny, but not at all. (mind you it isn't here yet, I could be a hot mess by then)

Stacy has invited me to her place, I could have gone to Rupert or ensconced myself at the in-laws, but I'm more comfortable at home, with the familiar. I was also thinking about poor Buzz, his Christmas will be even more sucky than mine, so I figured whatever moments we could grab together would be nice.

Now I'm feeling relaxed, and contented even, go figure. Maybe I grew up or something. I'm excited for the great nieces and nephew to open their gifts, I'm relieved that I managed to get cards out with my hands being so swollen. I'm happy when I look at my gaudy little tree, and I'm looking forward to seeing family on Thursday.

Yup, I got that *feeling* back. I hope you all do as well.

Monday, December 13, 2010


Thinking about you dear Ellen. I miss you.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Mike Posner - Cooler Than Me (Live at the Key Club)

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [Official Video]

Kings Of Leon - Use Somebody

Death and Hate

Elizabeth Edwards has lost her battle with breast cancer. Why is this important to me? Why was I crying for her yesterday? How can the death of an American political wife, mother, activist and author cause me such sadness?

It's the mourning of a life well lived, and the mourning of a brave loyal woman, who, to put it bluntly was shat on by life.

She was like a deer in the headlights when her husbands infidelity went national, not only did he cheat on her after her cancer came back, he also fathered a child with Rielle Hunter. This wasn't all exposed at one time but dragged out in fits and starts in front of the world, for all to judge and snicker.

Here was a woman who'd lost her 16 year old son Wade to a car accident, had undergone fertility treatments to have two more children late in life with this pig, and then he shits on their marriage and family by following the little head.

Here was a woman who stood by him and campaigned her ass off and jeopardized her health for her man.

She wrote it out in her book Resilience, she underwent treatments and she got on with her life, in short she made the best of it, here's a quote:

"The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered, we know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."

After all was said and done she was grateful, how inspirational.

Elizabeth worked tirelessly for universal health care, even after her cancer came back, she was first diagnosed in 2004. She was an advocate for gay marriage, another quote:

"I don't know why someone else’s marriage has anything to do with me. I'm completely comfortable with gay marriage."

This statement and her unwavering belief in live and let live has caused the *hate group* or I guess I should say, * The Westboro Baptist Church*, to once again put on their robes of righteousness, leap onto their high horses, cloak themselves in their bigoted *moral* obligation and threaten to picket her funeral on Saturday in Raleigh, North Carolina.

This is the same group that picket soldiers funerals, Jewish businesses, claim Pope Benedict is a false prophet; and my all time favorite; Barack Obama is the Antichrist. Which I find pretty ironic, their freedom of speech was obtained on the backs and death of those same soldiers.

According to them Elizabeth deserved to die because of her tolerance for homosexuality. What about forgiveness? (not that she needs it) What about; “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her." "Judge not lest ye be judged."

I feel that a group of 71 (2007) (mostly extended family) shouldn't be given the time, the press or the dynamite to blow them to Hell; they'll get there on their own.

The unfairness of this whole thing really pisses me off, a good woman lived and loved, made a family, made a mark and did the best she could despite overwhelming odds, that's what I'll be remembering on Saturday, not the petty small minded meanness of an inbred group of wayward hysterics from Topeka Kansas. Shame.

R.I.P. Elizabeth, July 3rd, 1949-December 7th, 2010