I'm so fucking tired.

My nephew John has died, not from Covid -19, from a car accident.
He was only 33.

I found out through a cousin, my brother didn't even have the barest hint of decency to tell his family.
I had to tell his twin,
his nephews,
his niece,
his brother's in law.

It took an hour and 4 people before I could get in touch with him.
He lives here.

He broke his family,
he broke our mother,
he broke our dad.
Now me.

I love you John, you and your sister were always a bright spot in my day.
I loved it when you came *for coffee*,
I loved it when you giggled,
I loved getting your school pictures.

I've missed you and now I'll never see you again.
It hurts.

 I hope you know I love you.